Complacency, Cannibalism and Critical Thinking

Irrational fears.

In no particular order, just as they come to me…

• Clowns.
• Dr. Seuss characters and books
• Loud noises.
• Quiet noises.
• Squishy noises.
• Crossing multiple lanes of traffic to make a left turn.
• Conversations.
• People showing interest in me.
• Mold.
• Any kind of bug, reptile, or rodent.
• Unnatural items that fall out of the sky.
• Getting really old and never dying.

Not sure where this fear stems from, maybe it’s just a weird OCD thing, but before I leave the house I need to go around and make sure EVERYTHING in my apartment is unplugged.

Living alone.

It’s really great, everyone should do it.

But then it’s scary because sometimes at night when you’re coming home alone from the movies, already feeling vulnerable, and someone follows you to the front door of your building, or is walking around on the roof of the building next to your window or steals the mat you have at your back door thats down a walkway no one but you should be walking through and you have a job that reinforces your paranoia, it just makes living alone really scary.  I feel like I should know my neighbors, because they all seem pretty cool, even the guy, who at first I thought grew pot in his apartment because he didn’t seem to have a real job but drives a nice BMW, and out of nowhere has had a kid around for the last week-but I don’t know anyone, because I don’t talk to anyone because I have this crippling social anxiety and makes any talk, big or small, nearly impossible.

I was really excited to finally live alone but now I miss living with Jared, I always felt safe with him.  I miss Lori, she was really nice and had a great swimming pool..I miss Jami and Dustin because it was like Three’s Company and we always did things together like going to the movies, to dinner, trips out of town.  I even miss my first roommate Pia, because she hated me.  

Sad genius.

I don’t really want to know what Community will be like without Dan Harmon.  Community isn’t a show you can drop in a couple of generically competent showrunners and writers and have it carry the same gravitas that Dan Harmon’s distinct voice and vision has shaped it into.  I guess Sony and NBC will finally have their chance to make Community into the commercially-acceptable comedy they’ve always wanted?  Dan Harmon fought hard enough to keep the integrity of the show as true to his vision as possible.  I just have to add that I’ve been to quite a few Harmontowns and have bore witness to the genius and madness that is Dan Harmon.  I just fall short of worshiping the liquor soaked trail of toil that he precedes.  I think he is bigger and greater than the studios believed he was or let him be.  I think we live in a time that he will be able to find the right medium to fully explore that creative genius, or create it, like with Channel 101 which is still around and producing great work.

What I most loved about the show were those moments where the the dynamic of the group was challenged, and each character’s self-realization converged at some point to strengthen the bond, the characters became more human and took on aspects of myself that I recognize.  As with Arrested Development, I think following season long story lines was just kind of irrelevant, and maybe that’s what people want, at least in a ensemble cast, single-cam comedy, they want they’re two favorite characters to get together, and they want it to be lighthearted and really jokey! Community is just a different kind of show where the characters weren’t perfect, community college was their second chance at fixing a life that kind of veered off in a strange direction. The show was introspective and dark and really personal at times, and I guess people just weren’t into that? That’s okay, it was never a show for everyone, and it seems like NBC and Sony were they only ones who didn’t realize what they had on their hands was a cult phenomenon, and not a success by commercial standards.  I guess I understand why it it didn’t have a larger more diverse fanbase, but then again I really don’t because the messages were so universal. Look at the Greendale Human Being. The school’s mascot is a form so basic, so encompassing, this show is about all of us. How many of us are where we thought we would be?  And if we are, how many missteps did it take to get there?  We’re all human beings, we are only as good as the chances we’ve taken and failed or just fallen short of achieving because it’s those failures that give us the chance to build ourselves.  It is so universal it’s sickening, yet so perfect.  It took Dan Harmon and a show like Community to give me the direction and desire to write creatively.  Now it’s up to me to make that happen.

At this point, I’d pour a forty out on the corner for the Community I knew and loved, but since I’ve really romanticized the hell out of being a writer with a drinking problem I’ll just drink to the honor of my down-yet-not-quite-out hero.

Do you ever to go put deodorant on and forget to lift your tshirt up and end up putting it on your tshirt then decide to just wearing your shirt inside out rather than pick a new one then go eat a torta and see a movie alone and then you really stop existing.