It turns out procrastination is not typically a function of laziness, apathy or work ethic as it is often regarded to be. It’s a neurotic self-defense behavior that develops to protect a person’s sense of self-worth.
You see, procrastinators tend to be people who have, for whatever reason, developed to perceive an unusually strong association between their performance and their value as a person. This makes failure or criticism disproportionately painful, which leads naturally to hesitancy when it comes to the prospect of doing anything that reflects their ability — which is pretty much everything.
But in real life, you can’t avoid doing things. We have to earn a living, do our taxes, have difficult conversations sometimes. Human life requires confronting uncertainty and risk, so pressure mounts. Procrastination gives a person a temporary hit of relief from this pressure of “having to do” things, which is a self-rewarding behavior. So it continues and becomes the normal way to respond to these pressures.
Particularly prone to serious procrastination problems are children who grew up with unusually high expectations placed on them. Their older siblings may have been high achievers, leaving big shoes to fill, or their parents may have had neurotic and inhuman expectations of their own, or else they exhibited exceptional talents early on, and thereafter “average” performances were met with concern and suspicion from parents and teachers."
This totally justifies every excuse I’ve been giving myself from not doing that thing I’m supposed to do.
— John Cheever, from his journal, which I hope he wouldn’t mind me reading (via nevver)
I haven’t left my bed in a day and a half. I’m being dramatic when I say I am immobilized as a result of everything I’ve done wrong up until this point and don’t want to do anything again, ever…but it’s how I FEEL. I’m too old to be like this, but too young for it all to end. I feel bad for loving everything and everyone and wanting to share my life with others and trying to force myself into the lives that aren’t trying to have me around. It makes me really sad and I need to only find things that make me less sad.
I don’t feel good or happy about anything in my life so I tried to do something about it and got rejected and now I feel even worse and my grandma died and everything sucks so I’m telling the Internet because that’s all I have.